dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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