we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Houston, we have a blender
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
