I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
