the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
