we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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