No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
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