So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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