Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
