it was like eating out sand paper
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
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