I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
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