Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Randomize
