Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
