I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize