He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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