So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
