I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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