im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
