youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
