Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
