hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
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