WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
