I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
