I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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