That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
