Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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