Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Just invented taco cereal.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
