woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
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