Can Purell be used as lube?
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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