No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
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