i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
