So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
