Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Randomize
