My friends, they love my intelligence
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
