you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
