That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
