i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Randomize
