I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
