Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
we're so committed to being not committed
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize
