it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
