Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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