$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
