You can't motorboat a personality
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
