I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
