I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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