Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
