We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Randomize
