I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Randomize
