i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
