Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
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