im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
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