just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
