Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
