Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
